May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
