Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
