Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
