i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
