i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
