this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
where does the pee come out of this thing
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
