i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
