i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
