Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize