so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
