What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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