my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
