I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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