I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
