Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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