If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
