Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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