): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
