how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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