I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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