Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
