yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think my moral compass just broke
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
