I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize