Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
