i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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