I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
