I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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