this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
is wine microwaveable?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
