I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
