I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Text me some of your sweat
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
