there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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