Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.

Fav 12 997 1546
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(713): View more from Texas

I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer

Fav 19 6146 1092
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(845): View more from New York

felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter

Fav 33 1735 6663
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Now have a vodka water and get your shit together

Fav 6 2763 1213
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(573): View more from Missouri

You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.

(816): View more from Missouri

Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.

Fav 6 3428 1070
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(913): View more from Kansas

Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.

Fav 5 1149 2491
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(734): View more from Michigan

Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.

Fav 17 4544 1048
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.

Fav 9 683 1721
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(360): View more from Washington

Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt

Fav 0 36 10
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