she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
