They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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