I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
