fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
