We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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