...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
