I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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