I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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