I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize