I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
