Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How does one acquire holy water?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
