I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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