Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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