oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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