I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize