you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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