I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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