Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
