I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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