No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Is Oprah even human
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize