OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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