I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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