To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
