i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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