Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize