i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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