Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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