this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
