She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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