So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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