I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
