I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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