I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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