if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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