A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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