Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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