I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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