I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
im on a boat
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