Ambien. No doubt about it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
