Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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