My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
