i jhust puked up my retainher.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
