5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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