He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
