I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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