worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
