I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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