My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
