Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
false alarm, still single
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