well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
