You made me cry and you don't even care
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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