I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
