Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
