looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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