Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
