need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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