he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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