I want to make a zoo with you.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
