Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
