She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
