At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
